


The Continuation of It

by swells55



Category: The Half of It (2020)
Genre: Angst, Aster Flores - Freeform, Ellie Chu - Freeform, F/F, Fluff, The Half Of It - Freeform, paul munsky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23986144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swells55/pseuds/swells55
Summary: A continuation of the brilliant and wonderful film, "The Half Of It" by Taiwanese American director Alice Wu. As a queer Taiwanese-American myself, this movie hit me right in the fucking feels and I felt the urgent need to continue it. I hope you guys like it.
Relationships: Ellie Chu & Aster Flores
Comments: 28
Kudos: 353





	1. Aftermaths

“爸？Hello？我剛才到大學。對對。Dad, I’ll be fine. 你吃飯了嗎?” _（Dad? Hello? I just got here. Yeah, I’ll be fine. Have you eaten yet?)_

Ellie had just gotten off the plane at Des Moines Airport. When she had first applied to Grinnell, she didn’t quite emotionally accept that she was moving almost half way across the country. Not only did she leave her whole life, but the few people in it that loved her. Not to mention it took her 2 hours of trying not the throw up on the bus and another 3 hours of suppressing a panic attack on the plane. The second she had landed, she had seen a few missing calls from her dad. Despite sounding his normal calm on the phone, there was the slightest sound of new-found urgency in his correspondence. She smiled sadly, imagining him at home with his TV dinners, an empty space next to where she would normally be. Paul had assured her that he would drop by weekly to make sure he was alive, and that she had nothing to worry about.

_Just enjoy college life, smarty pants! :3_

His last text had been before she took off, followed by a steady flow of sporadic memes throughout the year. She was going to miss him. The best friend she had ever had.

* * *

The first year had whizzed by, in all its ups and downs. Ellie was in a Philosophy and English Literature course, overwhelmed by the fellow snarky cynics she would encounter in her classes. Within the first few weeks, she had been adopted by a group of Asians who seemed to recruit new prospective members every year. Since she was used to being the only Asian around, it was astonishing to meet so many others who had the same experience as her. Most of them were also the only Asian person from their small town, resorting to the texts of long-dead scholars as a source of comfort, desperate to live and find a sense of belonging somewhere. Since there weren't that many non-white people anyways, it was easy to get to know the community. Even though she would describe herself as pretty introverted, the steady presence of other likeminded people allowed her social skills to develop, especially if there was alcohol involved. The best part was that everyone was also extremely intellectually driven (how could they not be?), and they could all talk In deep discourse about their favourite philosophical meditations. Here, she was also known as Ellie Choo-choo, but only because of her “wicked trains of thoughts” in academic debate. She thought about Aster often, even though the only news she heard from her was the occasional late night 5AM pondering.

_Diega Rivera: Did you know that if you cut the branches off some trees, it can grow into a completely new one?_

She had attached a photo of a luscious water-colour painting that depicted a willow with broken branches. It looked as if it was weeping new trees into existence.

_ChingShihReallyDidThat: That’s beautiful. I dig it._

_Diega Rivera: I had to admit, it’s strange to talk to you and reimagine that every text and letter I got was from you._

_ChingShihReallyDidThat: I think it’s weird that you’re still using Ghost Messenger to text me._

_Diega Rivera: :)_

_I guess you’re right._

They would ramble about other things, as if their letter correspondence had never stopped. One of them would go to sleep eventually, and they wouldn’t message for months. By the end of the year, Ellie realised she didn’t even know where Aster went to school. She didn’t want to push reality onto their “relationship”, if she could even call it that. Even after a year in college, she was no closer to understanding the intricacies of intimacy. Though she did have some regrettable drunk make-out sessions at queer parties, Aster was always in the back of her head. Ellie couldn’t resist scrolling through her Instagram every now and then, watching from afar…as if it didn’t come naturally for her to survey Aster’s life from a distance.

Ellie would’ve thought that in a completely new environment, she would’ve found someone else to focus all of her romantic energy towards. There were a few people who had asked her out, boys and girls alike, and she had finally become comfortable with saying that she was “gay”. It came to no surprise to anyone when she said for the first time in one of her hangouts in the first week. Even her classic Southern Belle roommate, Ginger, who happened to be the first person she came out to, was hilariously nonchalant about it. After Ellie had confessed she had never said it out loud before, Ginger gave her a big hug.

“Oh my gosh. Was that the first time you said that to anyone?” Ellie, though frustrated with the lack of shock, was happy with the response.

She wondered if she would tell her dad when she went back to Squahamish for the summer. Though he never said it, Ellie knew that her dad loved her no matter what, but she wasn’t sure if he’d take it well.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.”

Paul had once come through to Grinnell to visit her, and they had a lengthy discussion at the local diner about her father in-between mouthfuls.

“How is he?”

“Your dad? You’ll be happy to know that I make dumplings even better than him now!”

Ellie looked at him sceptically. He could never know how grateful she was that Paul was keeping him company.

“He’s agreed to teach me some of your moms and his recipes to incorporate into my Munsky Sausages.”

Paul told her all about going around various places in Washington with his culinary invention, and how Ellie’s letters of recommendation had launched his career into being known as local hero. Though reluctant at first, his family finally agreed to sponsor his own little food truck, and he drove all over town to make deliveries. His main clientele was mostly the local stoners and lazy high schoolers, but he started to cater for small town events as well. His parent have never been prouder.

After he devoured his burger, he paused.

“So, have you talked to Aster at all?”

“Not really…Have you?”

“Ha! I couldn’t talk to her before, what makes you think I could now?”

“I guess this means you’ve moved on?”

“I guess I just realised I didn’t really love her. Like, that wasn’t real love.”

“Wow Paul, I’m impressed. Does this mean you know what real love is now?”

“Well, I met another girl a few months after you left. She was so easy to talk to and we have so much in common. Her name’s April.”

He showed off cute selfies on his phone of a lovely looking girl that seemed just as wholesome and cuddly as he was.

“I think I understood at some point that I was just obsessed with her. Like, I didn’t know her. I didn’t get anything she said to me, really. That’s probably why I was so nervous to even meet her. But with April, it’s like, we can watch 5 hours of Adventure Time together and laugh and then have loads of sex. It’s perfect. She's nice and likes sausages and gives good hugs. And she's really pretty.”

“Yeah…I don’t see Aster being into cartoons that much.”

“Yeah, she more of a nerd. But like, a super hot nerd. Probably better for someone like you.”

Paul winked and shoved Ellie playfully.

“I hear she’ll be back in Squahamish this summer too.” Paul looked cautiously at Ellie, curious to see her reaction.

“Well, I suppose I will be too.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds. Paul thought it best to change the subject.

“And I can’t wait for you to meet April. We met at a Sausage Convention in Seattle. She lives a few hours away from Squahamish, but she’s really excited to meet you.”

“You told her about me?”

“Of course I did!”

He looked around in jest, as if to make sure no-one was listening. Then he said blankly:

“You’re kinda my best friend.”

Ellie’s heart could’ve bursted from the sentiment. She shoved it down, lest she risk looking emotional. Looking away from him, she begrudgingly said very quietly:

“You’re my best friend too.”

“Hehe, I thought so! But definitely it’s a close one between you and your dad.”

Ellie laughed that even after all these time, Paul still called her father, “Ellie’s Dad.”

* * *

It took a whole week of mental preparation and annoying online bookings to sort out her return to Washington. She was excited to tell her Dad all of her college activities. It was more likely that they wouldn’t talk more than usual, but at least she could bring back all her graded papers and some photos depicting her social life. The school canteen was infinitely better than the microwave meals that she had survived off of in her high school days, but she had a nostalgic taste for those frozen Shepard’s pies they’d always eat on Sundays while watching whatever stupid movie on the television. She had saved up some money to buy him courses for English by offering essay advice and tutoring, finally able to maintain a flourishing business in the open air. Ellie thought it might encourage him to look for another more fulfilling job. As far as she was aware, her father was helping out at the train station again, which was a tremendous improvement already. It was odd to think that she was Asian parenting her own Asian parent. She had to suppose this is what her mother would’ve wanted. At this, she made a mental note to ay a visit to her Humanities teacher, Mrs. Geselschap, who had been her saviour and biggest support during those four grueling years of high school. She was forever grateful that she had pushed her to go to college in a school, rather than stay in Squahamish.

Then, there was the prospect of seeing Aster. A lot can happen in a year, and the last she had heard of her was late night link to an article talking about Espinoza’s essays on God’s existence. There was a possibility that she would be asked to play organ at the church again, despite the dramatic events that had occurred there the year before. She needed the cash, and they didn’t have many good piano players in town.

After a few lovely goodbyes with new friends and a firm excitement for the oncoming academic year, she had to momentarily divorce herself from her life at Grinnell. When the day to return had arrived, she took a deep breath before leaving her campus.

“Squahamish, here I come.”


	2. Back to Squahamish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mentholatum. If you know, you know.

After what felt like eternity, Ellie started to see the familiar bland pastures of her hometown. The train tracks rumbled in consistent rhythm as a flush of unexpected happiness came over her. Did she actually miss this place?

There were moments in college where the hustle-bustle was overstimulating, and all she wanted to do was walk aimlessly in unmarked and deserted spaces filled with green. At heart, she supposed she was still a small-town girl who loved the quiet of forgotten and therefore sacred places.

As the train pulled up, she could see her father waiting on the platform for her. He was wearing what she called his “Sunday best”, the same outfit that he wore the day he left. A dress shirt and a nice vest over it. Ellie’s felt a pang of sadness to see him. Did he get older while she was away?

He beamed when he saw her, and immediately went to help her with her rucksack.

“歡迎你回來，Ellie。“ (Welcome back, Ellie.)

Smiling ear to ear, he gave her an enormous hug, which seemed to say everything they never talked around. Ellie pushed back the tears to spare him. Her father wasn’t a very expressive person, but even she could see how joyous he was to see her.

“我回來了，爸。” (I’m back, Dad.)

The drive back home was quiet, but her Dad had put on the hits of the Golden Oldies to fill the silence. He only ever did this when he was in a good mood, and Ellie remembered that this was her mother’s favourite CD. She could vaguely recall the both of them singing “Take Me Home Country Road” when she was really little, despite neither knowing the proper lyrics. It was always good to see her father like this. When they arrived back at the house, she saw none other than Paul waiting outside.

“Ellie!” He gave her a monster bear hug, picking her up and twirling her around effortlessly, as if she weighed nothing.

“Oh, hey Mr. Ellie’s Dad.”

Mr. Chu nodded at Paul serenely, and brought the rest of her stuff inside the house.

“So, what are you summer plans looking like?”

“How the hell would I know? I just got back 5 minutes ago.”

“Well, I brought you two something special for dinner tonight.”

Paul reached inside his backpack and pulled out a huge box of Tupperware.

“Let me guess….”

“Munsky Sausages!” They both said at the same time, with varying levels of enthusiasm.

“Not gonna lie, I did actually have a craving for those at some point this year.”

“You’re not gonna believe how much the recipe’s grown…”

Paul trailed off into his usual sausage talk as they both went inside. The smell of Mentholatum and braised pork filled the air. It was nice to be home again.

* * *

The excitement of her first week back was better than she had anticipated. She had chose not to come back during winter holidays to save money, and instead worked on-campus at the library. It pained her that it would be her father’s first Christmas alone, but at least Paul had invited him to his family Christmas party, and from the phone call they had on New Year’s, he had a pretty good time.

“外國人很吵，可是很熱鬧。“(White people are so noisy, but they know how to have a good time.”)

After spending the first few days telling him all about the Asian people she had met in college, she could tell that he was happy to see her so animated about something. Y _ou remind me of your mother so much right now,_ he would say. The most shocking thing though, was the visible changes in her father’s behaviour. Now that he was working again, he wasn’t in pyjamas all day anymore, and he seemed to have a newfound sense of purpose with a work routine. Paul had told her that Mr. Chu was even attempting to have a social life by attending the local food fairs with him, selling sausage filled dumplings.

“They call us “The Dumpling Duo”!” Paul said proudly. 

Life had rolled back to how it was before she went to college pretty quickly, but there was a definitely a much better atmosphere in the house. Paul seemed to come over everyday not just to see Ellie, but to hang out around her dad. Furthermore, she had witnessed him muttering life advice in Mandarin to Paul on some of these occasions. 

“Are you … do you understand what he’s saying?”

“Sort of. I can kinda get it from his look. He’s got such intense eyes.”

It was clear that Paul had found his own version of Mr. Miyagi in her father, and was delighted by their pseudo mentor-apprentice relationship. It was certain that Paul had made the Chu house his safehaven from his large and hectic family, and Mr. Chu was more than happy to have a friendly face around. Not to mention, Paul always brought leftover pork clippings from their family store. 

* * *

The most awkward part of returning home is probably running into the people you never talked to in high school. Ellie had foreseen running into former classmates of her’s, and was not looking forward to being known as “the Chinese girl” again. Within a week, she had made very uncomfortable glances are the people who used to taunt her. Though it was only a year ago, it felt like another lifetime. On the other hand, a lot of people who she never really knew very well had come back nicer and friendlier. Paul took her to a house party hosted by the past student president, and to Ellie’s surprise, most people seemed to suck a lot less. She even was drawn into a wonderful conversation about Virginia Woolf’s Orlando with Larry, one of the boys who was on the football team. She quickly found out that Larry went to New York for college and since then had finally been able to come out of the closet.

“There are more of us?” She blurted out.

After a lively discussion on being in the closet, Larry drunkenly hugged her and added her on Instagram before going off to get another drink. Ellie went to go find Paul, but he was busy talking to some of his old pals. She lurked around the front porch, hoping that someone might come up and talk her. She was a few drinks in already, and that was when she was most chatty and un-inhibited by nerves.

“Is this seat taken?” A familiar voice had come up behind her, and an even more familiar face appeared besides her.

“Hi there, Ellie Chu. How are you?”

“Aster?" 


	3. Let Your Hair Down

There she was. Aster Flores. The thing that drew Ellie in from the moment she saw her was the way she was not only beautiful, but exuded kindness. Yet this was also tinged with a sense of melancholy. She could feel it from the way she would stare in the the void, lost in thought. The first time she had properly noticed this was in 10th grade, music class. Before that, she was just the pastor’s daughter. Another popular girl dating a douchebag that she should definitely avoid. Then, Ellie was roped into being the accompanist for choir by Pastor Flores, where Aster was often in the spotlight as an amazing soloist soprano. There was where she had begun her guiltless watching of her, because it would amount to nothing more than that. Pure and harmless fantasy. The thing with Paul…was never supposed to happen. When she saw her now, however, Aster seemed much happier. Her clothes were the same, but there was a noticeably different air about her.

“I almost didn’t recognise you without your ponytail.”

Ellie had started letting her hair down in college, and found it to be a much more liberating way to live. It’s funny how a simple gesture can translate like that.

“Well, I’ll never stop being the only Chinese girl around here, so it’s pretty hard to miss me.”

They sat side-by-side, staring straight ahead, neither speaking for a few minutes. Aster broke the silence.

“How long are you back in town for?”

“All summer. You?”

“Same. My dad wants me to help with Bible classes and the restaurant. My dad seems to think that I have nothing better to do than provide free labour.”

Another pause urged them to both take a sip of their drinks. Ellie clung onto hers for dear life.

“How was your year?”

“It was good. I got a lot better at painting. Met a lot of nice people.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Ellie could hear the trashy trap music blasting from inside the house. It made the ground slightly vibrate. She could barely hear her own thoughts, let alone process how to talk to Aster. All she could say was:

“I hate this music. The lyrics are nonsensical and are usually extremely sexist. Why do people like it?”

“Really? I kinda like it.” Aster got up and and started swaying her hips playfully.

“It makes me want to dance.”

Ellie was very good at a lot of things, but dancing sure as hell was _not_ one of them. She stared at Aster as if she was performing open-heart surgery. Tickled at Ellie’s puzzled look, she stopped and put her hands in her pocket.

“Let’s get out of here. Somewhere where we can talk.”

* * *

How could Ellie possibly say no? She made sure to text Paul.

_Ellie: ASTER. HERE. BRB. CALL ME IF YOU LEAVE._

He replied with several heart-eyes emoji and a a winky face.

They went towards a bushy clearing next to the house, which lead to a small playground. Aster situated herself on the swings, and Ellie felt that she had no choice but to join her there.

“I never got to thank you.”

“Me? For what?”

“For speaking up that Sunday.”

That Sunday, where Ellie basically objected to Trig’s proposal to Aster, like some kind of awful rom-com trope. She couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. In all the chaos, no one would know what the three of them were actually talking about that day. In retrospect, it was crazy to think that Aster would’ve said yes to being married at 18.

“Oh, um. Don’t mention it. It seemed to be the right thing to do…”

“It definitely was. I already apologised to Paul for slapping him.”

They talked a little bit about Paul’s face, and how it was squishy and probably very slappable.

“Are…you still thinking about it? I mean, marrying Trig?”

“Oh, of course not. I broke up with Trig just before leaving for Illinois.”

“Illinois? Is that where you go to school now?”

“Yep. To a small art academy. They accepted me last minute. You wouldn’t believe how long it took for my father to come around to the idea. It was a fight, but I’m having a really good time.”

“Sweet. Not far from me then.”

“It’s about a 4 hour drive, I think.”

Ellie smirked.

“How did you know that?”

“Well, the thought had crossed my mind. So I thought I’d Google Maps it.”

Aster started looking upwards at the night sky, which was sprinkled with little stars. She pointed up to one and said:

“That one is the Ursa Major, did you know?”

Ellie had to squint to try and make out the shape she was talking about. Her vision pretty bad, which mean stargazing was not something she ever indulged in.

“No, I did not.”

The two of them seemed to be restrained in conversation, teetering in and out of deep and shallow discussion, avoiding what made the interaction so stagnant to begin with.

With some liquid courage, Ellie had managed to ask the burning question on her mind.

“Did you figure it out? The thing. You know, who you are, and stuff?”

Aster smiled. She had been waiting for this question all night.

“You know what’s the most hilarious thing? I went to college thinking that I was at least sure about some things in my life. Even just some of the basic things about me. I went…only to discover that I have no fucking clue about anything.”

“Ha, join the club.” At this response, Aster stared at the ground. Ellie decided to take a more sensitive approach.

“It’s rough. Trust me, I don’t sleep when I think too much about it.”

“But what about God?” Aster paused pensively. 

“That’s a complicated one. After talking to a lot of people, I’m not so sure about this divine ‘Him’, anymore. But I do know that I feel like there’s something out there, watching the world unfold. Maybe it’s not exactly what the Bible had in mind, but there’s something to believe in. I’m sure of that.”

“Maybe that’s all we can ask for.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Ellie imagined having to struggle with something as tempestuous as faith. Though being somewhat of a cynical atheist was lonely at times, it did allow for some more clarity on some things that were better left to reason and logic. But if her mother and father taught her anything, is that spirituality exists. They often burnt incense in the house to air out bad energy, and she often thought that her mother’s spirit was alive somewhere out there, even if it was no longer living.

“Hey Ellie. Do you believe in marriage?”

“Yikes…heavy question.”

“Hehe, sorry. Glazing at the stars makes me extremely philosophical.”

She expected nothing less from Aster Flores.

“I think that if the marriage is based on love, sure, why not. I’d love to have a huge party.”

“Yeah, but do you believe in it?”

“What? Marriage?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t think I would feel the need to, unless the person I was with wanted it. I don’t think marriage necessary…unless you’re having a kid or something. Then, I guess it would be good for financial reasons and…”

Ellie caught herself going on a long pragmatic tangent that she had previously gone down with one of her fellow college friends.

“Sorry.”

Aster laughed. She put her hands on her face and rubbed her temples.

“God, this year. This year has been a huge eye-opener for me. I met all these artists, all of whom were just so intense and cynical, telling me all these things… I don’t think I was prepared to learn that everything I was taught at home was…Was….”

“A systematic institution that reinforces a vicious cycle of conformity and discrimination?” Ellie offered helpfully?

“Yes! Exactly!”

They both laughed, and they finally looked at each other properly. In the moonlight, Aster’s face was mesmerising. And she would never think that Aster would be thinking the same thing.

Ellie’s phone buzzed and rung. It was Paul.

“Hey Choo-choo! I’m just about to go! Got a ride from my pals. You want in?” His slightly slurred speech was almost drowned out by the drunk laughing and trap music in the background.

“Yeah, I’ll be there in 5 minutes. Wait for me.”

“Was that Paul?”

“Yep.”

“Have fun with your platonic boyfriend. Tell him I say hi.”

“Will do.”

Their stares lingered for a short while, and just as Ellie was about to walk away, Aster kissed her. On the cheek. The left one, to be exact.

“See ya around, Ellie Chu.”

“Bye, Aster Flores.”


	4. Is this a date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aster invites Ellie out to help her with something.

Ellie’s cheeks were flushed. It was unclear whether this was due to the alcohol, or the fact that Aster had kissed her on the cheek. Her face felt hot, wearing a goofy smile. Luckily, everyone was too wasted to notice. On the car ride back, Paul had fallen fast asleep, keeled over her shoulder, mouth wide open. It reminded Ellie of sleeping panda photo she had once seen online.

“Hey Ellie. You okay back there?”

“Yeah. I’m good.”

“Awesome. How was your night?”

“It was good. Thanks…” Ellie struggled to match a name to the face she could barely see in the rearview mirror. They had definitely met before, either because of Paul or general high school reasons. She didn’t really know any other juniors except for Paul anyways.

“You still playing guitar?”

“Yeah, actually. Been writing on and off for the past year.”

“Keep at it. The senior talent show was sick last year! Ours wasn’t nearly as exciting.”

“Oh, you saw that? T-thanks.” Rather than risk revealing she had no idea who he was, she decided to keep car chat to a minimal. They arrived outside her door shortly.

“Paul. Paul! We’re here.”

It would’ve been comical to watch herself try to wake up this giant boy-man, if it wasn’t so incredibly difficult. She dragged Paul off the car and thanked his friend, who drove off into the night. Eventually, Ellie managed to get him conscious enough to be able to walk towards his house, but it was like trying to lead a sleepy elephant back into his cage. None of this bothered her though, since she was buzzing with tipsiness and adrenaline. She was convinced that this had granted her the superhuman strength to actually get Paul back in his bed.

When she had finally got home, she lied awake in her bed, thinking of when she would see Aster again. She held her phone tentatively, putting it down and then grabbing it again, torn between messaging her right then and there. Then, as if magic, her phone lit up on its own accord.

_Aster: Asleep? Hope you got home safe._

_Ellie: Whoa, texting me from your personal account! Someone could see._

_Aster: Psh, let them see. I don’t care._

Bold move Aster, bold move.

_Ellie: How was the rest of your night?_

_Aster: Well, looking at stars can be rather lonely by yourself, unless you’re wishing for something._

_Ellie: Did you?_

_Aster: What?_

_Ellie: Wish for something?_

_Aster: I couldn’t say. Then it won’t come true._

Ellie’s stomach did a somersault. Was this girl for real? With the remainder of the liquid courage in her system, she decided to make a move.

_Ellie: What are you doing tomorrow?_

_Aster: Not sure. I have to run some errands for my dad._

_Ellie: Oh._

_Aster: Maybe I could use some help though? If you’re up for it?_

_Ellie: I’ve got nothing planned, other than bringing Paul some aspirin for the hangover he’s definitely going to have tomorrow._

_Aster: You’re sweet._

_Ellie: I’m moderately nice._

_Aster: OK. You’re moderately nice._

_Ellie: Thank you._

_Aster: I’m going to go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow around 11, in front of the restaurant?_

_Ellie: Cool. Good night._

Ellie drifted into an effortless sleep, curious to see what the next day would have in store for her.

* * *

Ellie waited across the street from the Flores eatery at 11AM on the dot. She was wearing a red bomber jacket, a crop polo shirt, with high waisted jeans. Her wardrobe had taken a turn when she had went shopping with Ginger one day. Fashion wasn’t her forte, and Ginger leap at the chance to give Ellie a makeover. 

“No offence hon, but you dress like a 14 year old.”

“But I’ve always worn these clothes.” Her father had never thought to shop for new clothes, and Ellie had never asked him to. She never really thought about it until college.

“Exactly.”

After a ruthless 4 hour stint at the mall, Ellie had come out with several new outfits, carefully curated by her self-proclaimed fashionista roommate. It was the first time anyone had taken an interest in her look, and if she was being completely honest, she rather enjoyed it. She had never realised that her slender build accommodated most clothes, and that she could present herself any way she wanted. Was she chic and classy? Emo/goth fishnet? Ginger insisted she go for a primary colour palette with white shirts. At first, she felt like an imposter. A disguise as one of the “cool kids.” Ultimately, after much encouragement from everyone, she was pretty happy with the results. The clothes made her feel older. More herself.

When Aster had finally walked out, she apologised for keeping her waiting.

“My mom wouldn’t let me leave until I finished all the orders. Sorry about that.”

“No worries.”

“Nice jacket.”

“Thanks.”

“Shall we?”

Aster gestured to her car and the two of the set off towards the highway. Upon starting up, an audiobook started playing in the car. The voice of an English man was narrating some familiar dramatic magical adventures.

“Are you listening to the Harry Potter audiobooks?” Aster quickly ejected the CD and put in a more chill lo-fi beats mix. Slightly embarrassed, she kept her eyes on the road for a while, refusing to meet Ellie’s gaze. When she finally did, Ellie was looking directly at her.

“For the record, I love Harry Potter.”

It was odd to be sitting here with Aster. She quickly realised that she didn’t actually know much about her. What was her favourite colour? What made her laugh? She knew that Aster shared her love for overthinking and the pangs of existential dread, but she never actually spoke to her enough to know all the little things. The things that really showed how much you knew a person. Aster didn’t know any of those things about her either.


	5. Chapter 5

“How did you know?”

Ellie thought back to when she was 14.

* * *

Growing up the Chu household, sexuality was a neglected subject area. Ellie was a young girl with no mother-figure to give her any advice about it. At 14, she was short, skinny, and barely spoke. She was uncomfortable with her own body, barely able to pay attention to anyone else’s. She could recall the awkward moments when her Dad failed to explain what a period was, and had to learn from the school nurse about where to buy pads and how to use tampons. She didn’t have many friends, and had no one to talk to about boys _or_ girls. When she saw boys and girls making out or holding hands, she didn’t see the appeal. She wasn’t interested, choosing instead to fade into the background and focus on her ghostwriting business. But she did often find herself staring a bit longer at the occasional pretty girl, remembering the features of her face with far too much detail. She’d shrug it off and say that this was probably due to the fact that she envied them. In a way, she did. Being the “Chinese girl” meant that people failed to look past that fact. There was a short period of time when she was upset that she could never blend in, but she quickly rationalised that everyone else was stupid and ignorant. She was only a teenager and had a lot of work to do to make end’s meet. She had decided that love wasn’t for her. For her, love would be a playful concept to abstractedly ponder about. It was an internal feeling, just like the love her father had for her and her mother. Tremendous and boundless, but silent and kept to yourself.

The thought did not even cross her mind the first time she saw Aster Flores, but she did remember thinking:

_What a beautiful girl._

* * *

“I’ve only ever…” Ellie felt her cheeks starting to turn red. She looked away.

“I’ve only ever really liked one person. And that person happened to be a girl. I can’t say 100% for certain that I’d never like a boy, but I do know that I’m pretty disinterested. But then again, I barely tolerated most people in high school, let alone the jerks who would make fun of me.”

“When I started writing those letters, I started to feel something for the first time. And I knew nothing, and still know nothing. The only thing I knew was… that I liked you. I started thinking about you all the time, looking forward to see how you had replied. I pushed it to the back of my mind for a while, but then Paul kissed you, and everything bursted out. You should’ve seen the first letter he was going to send you— “

Aster interrupted her, looking at Ellie with fierce eyes.

“Just me?”

“Yep. Just…you.”

They both stared at their now empty cups of melted yoghurt.

“How about you?”

Aster took a deep and contemplative breath.

“I feel like everything I’ve ever known doesn’t make sense anymore. I don’t even know if I really enjoyed any of the relationships I’ve ever had. Everything was just something I was supposed to do. My dad was so happy to know that Trig had chosen to date me. He loved the power his family had in town. He thought our coupling was useful. He would say, _God wills it. Don’t you agree, mija?_ And Trig was nice to me, in his own conceited way, but I was on auto-pilot most of the time. I was fine with it, because I disassociated from it all. I don’t think anyone bothered to see past my looks. I knew that Trig and Paul liked me for those reasons. But you…”

“I was hoping you saw more than that.”

“The fact that you knew who Wim Wenders was really tipped it over the edge.”

“Did it now?”

“Yeah. I didn’t think anyone in Squahamish was into New German cinema.”

“Even the great Ellie Chu can be mistaken.”

“I will have you know that I had to brush up on my existentialists in order to write some of those letters. You are truly a worthy adversary.”

“I’m glad you see it that way.”

Ellie could feel a buzz from her pocket. She was almost certain it was Paul texting to tease her about her “date” with Aster.

“You were the first person who actually made me feel less alone in this stupid town.”

Ellie was so relieved that she had finally said it.

“Likewise.”

They went back to the bookstore, each purchasing a healthy amount of reading material for the summer.

“It brings this old heart great joy to see young book-lovers.”

Ernie was so pleased to see how enthusiastic they were about books, he gave them both a hefty discount. The two of them had basically exchanged piles, and agreed to form a casual book club with one another. Aster had the idea to make one more stop before going back to town.

“You up for a swim?” 


	6. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good for you, Ellie Chu.

Here they were, back at the hot springs. But everything was different.

Though Ellie was still unsure what Aster’s intentions were, she didn’t care. She was just happy to be honest with her. Now that everything was out in the open, there was some kind of hope, whatever that meant.

Aster was relieved that her beloved oasis was still relatively secret. It looked unburdened by the constant presence of humanity, exactly the way she left it, aside from a few missing branches and different colour leaves. Perhaps out of habit, Ellie cautiously took off her clothes facing away from Aster, as nervous and awkward as the last time. She took off her glasses, which already started to fog up from the steam. This time, she only wore the two layers.

“Nice boxers.” Aster remarked as Ellie held her shoulders as though they would fall off.

The two were here once again. One on either end of the warm body of water. There were words, but what to do with them? All they could do was stare and smile, gaze and look away. Crack a few jokes and interesting facts. Why did Aster always insist on getting Ellie in this godforsaken place? If she didn’t know any better, she would’ve thought this was one of Aster’s moves. After some significant periods of silence, both floating idly, closer and closer, trying to bask in the fuzziness that came when fully immersed in water. Aster was so near, but Ellie still felt like she was this unattainable dream. She had a distinct urge to just kiss her, there and then.

“Fuck.”

Ellie found her voice breaking the silence.

“What?” Aster had softly said, dazed from relaxation.

“Nothing, I—“

Ellie was stunned to see Aster suddenly so close to her. She glided over soundlessly.

“Do it.”

“Do what?”

“You know what.”

“No? What do you—“ As Ellie trailed off, Aster held the side of Ellie’s face. If it weren’t for the hot spring, Aster would’ve felt her trembling from the nerves. Ellie couldn’t look Aster in the eyes.

“I guess it’s my turn to be bold.”

Then, Aster kissed Ellie, gently and tenderly, on the cheek. Ellie was frozen. All she could hear was the sounds of light splashing as Aster went to kiss her other cheek, then her forehead, nose. And finally, her lips— wrapping her hands around Ellie’s neck with a soft grasp. Every fiber of Ellie’s being screamed with delight. How was it possible? Was this really happening? The shock of it didn’t allow her body to register what was happening until it was over. She felt a dumb smile left on her face as Aster turned around to get out of the hot springs. 

While the two of them dried off, changed back into their clothes, and got back in the car. Ellie could still feel her face burning from excitement. It helped that Aster looked a little nervous as well.

“Was that…was that okay?”

“Yes, absolutely. It was great. Ten out of ten. It was just— wow.” Ellie spluttered.

“I thought about that kiss all year, you know.”

“Really?”

"I wanted to make sure of something." 

Aster took a deep breath.

“Does this make me gay?”

“Not necessarily. You don't have to be anything.”

Aster let out an understandable sigh. Ellie had anticipated that if Aster ever really did come around to it, the internal process would be a long and hard one. Ellie reached for Aster's hand slowly, wondering if she would accept this gesture of budding intimacy. She took it willingly, their interlaced fingers inspiring something new and different for the pair of them. They continued to sit in the car like this for a while, both looking forwards to avoid mutual looks of sweet and anxious uncertainty.

“I think…I think I really like you. And I want to know what that means.”

"Okay. Let's figure it out." 

Though successfully maintaining a somewhat tranquil disposition to mask the frenzy of whooping happiness inside of her, Ellie couldn’t hold in a small scoff. 

“Thank God.”

Aster playfully shoved Ellie, who was beaming at her, ear to ear.

“What? Why did you laugh? I’m trying to be super vulnerable over here.”

“I’m just thanking your God that it didn’t take a couple of years like I thought it would.” 


	7. SOS

When Aster and Ellie returned to the real life AKA Squahamish, it was easy for them to pretend that nothing monumental had happened in the hot springs. Aster dropped Ellie off at her house in the early evening, lingering in the driveway, not knowing if she should give or be given a goodbye kiss on the lips or cheek. Whether they would hug or not. They had an awkward static dance that indicated the presence of these uncertainties and Ellie thought it best to yell “see ya later, alligator” before running up to her room as soon as she possibly could.

When she got there, she screamed into her pillow and started to furiously text Paul.

_SOS. I think me and Aster Flores are dating now. COME OVER ASAP._

Moments later, Paul arrived with a tub of ice cream and the two talked about how to date a girl over vanilla scoops.

“So…I guess you didn’t date anyone in college?”

“No, Paul! I was busy…making friends…and stuff.”

“Not even a little?”

“No. I mean, maybe a thing or two, but this is Aster Flores we’re talking about!”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

As Ellie went into a full-blown panic of understanding what it meant to begin dating someone and the boundaries and structures of what that relationship might mean, Paul zoned out. He couldn’t possibly understand her at the speed in which she was speaking.

“Hey, hey, hey. Calm down! Breathe! Only the bats can understand you now.”

As Ellie took a moment to compose herself, Paul patted her on the back.

“She likes you. You don’t have to do anything super different. You can be how you were before, but now you get to kiss and hold hands and stuff and talk about dead smart dudes or do nerdy things. Whatever you bookworms do.”

“She said she wanted to figure out what this meant. What does it mean? What is there to figure out? I thought the hard part was over. I thought if she knows that she likes me, that’s it.”

“Well, you guys gotta see if like, it’ll work out, right? So you have to keep hanging out and see if you wanna keep hanging out.”

“But we only have summertime to hang out! Then, we’ll be back at our schools, and I won’t be able to see her, and—“

“Whoa, Ellie. Chill. You guys literally have two months to do nothing but hang. That’s great! Just enjoy it. Make the most of it, and don’t think too much.”

For a second, Ellie imagined Aster, walking down the aisle in an insanely beautiful dress, towards a tuxedo-ed up version of herself waiting at a church alter.

She buried her head in her pillow again while Paul went to go get more ice cream. On the way down, he yelled.

“It’s just the beginning! It’ll be fine, dude. Hard part’s over!”

* * *

Aster arrived home feeling all fuzzy and warm inside. She couldn’t help but smile at Ellie’s flustered reaction to her trying to decide how to say goodbye. When her father asked her who had made her look so giddy, she shrugged him off and plopped onto her bed in.a dreamy daze. She got her phone out to send a text.

_Aster: Thanks for today. It was a wonderful time. Maybe I can come to yours for lunch tomorrow?_

Within seconds, Ellie replied.

_Ellie: Sounds good to me._

Her words were followed by uncharacteristic emojis.

_Aster: Is Paul there?_

_Ellie: How did you know?_

_Aster: Tell him I say hello._

_Ellie: He says hi back._

_Aster: Don’t stay up talking about me too much._

_Ellie: Shut up._

Aster left her with a string of silly moon face emojis and clutched her phone to her chest, imagining the unlikely duo, Ellie Chu and Paul Munsky, discussing love and life with cookie dough and Sex and the City on in the background.

It was good to allow herself to admit how cute she thought Ellie was, how her pedantic and cynical personality melted into sweet putty when prompted by philosophical rhetoric. Every gaze and look was intense and meaningful; it made Aster feel seen. Deep down, Ellie Chu was just a textbook romantic, and Aster was tickled and delighted to be on the receiving end of how much she had to say. Aster was better with expressing herself in other ways, but it’s like if her art could speak, Ellie would be the only one who would understand it. Maybe that’s what made her a painter, and Ellie a writer. She was excited to see what projects they could do together. Eventually, Aster drifted off, thinking of a summer of unlikely romance with this peculiar girl, full of hope and excitement for what was to come.


End file.
